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By Heckler Staff

Content warning: racism, racist violence, police brutality, racism at Georgetown To the members of the Georgetown Community, The Heckler, like much of the Georgetown comedy sphere, has historically been a space filled predominantly with white men and their voices. Our lack of diversity and failure to create an environment of respect and inclusion has resulted […]

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By Edith Bulwer Lytton

Listen. I know it won the Academy Award for best cinematography in 1989. I get that. But I haven’t felt the warmth of another person in months. You must understand what a bespectacled Willem Dafoe is doing to my body right now. It has been lauded by many as a landmark civil rights film told […]

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By Alfred Conkling Coxe Jr.

Uh oh. There’s a leash and dog collar on the wall behind your professor during your Zoom meeting, and that can only mean one of two things: either they have a dog, or they’re a complete freak in the bedroom. How is one to know? Well, rest assured: just take this quick quiz to find […]

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By Lucius Quintus Cincinnatus Lamar

Let’s be real. We are all guilty of skipping a sudsing every once in a while, but on occasion our loved ones let personal hygiene slide too far. Here are some strategies to help you gently let a relative know that it is time to open a window! Lead by example Lament that you feel […]

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By The Sisters Fitzroy

Finance major, Derek Crewson (MSB ‘21) bemoans the loss of the Georgetown Basketball Team’s star player just like the rest of the university. However for Crewson, he is sad for a different reason than most. “He really made my girlfriend, Alexa (COL ‘23), so happy,” explained Crewson. “She is just naturally very attracted to dudes […]

Woman Steps Forward, Backward in Instagram Boomerang

By Theophilus Parsons

TAMPA, FLORIDA – Local woman Beth Chowder took the internet by storm last Tuesday after posting a social update for her friends to Instagram Stories, featuring Beth in the foreground, stepping forward, then backwards, on what looked to be an exterior street. A source close to Chowder reached out to The Heckler: “it wasn’t so […]

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By Henrietta Chesterfield

Here at The Georgetown Heckler, we are dedicated to making the transition to Zoom classes as easy as possible. To aid in this shift, we have done some testing and determined the best ways to covertly use the restroom while in a Zoom call. Below, we have laid out a guide for “instructional conti-poo-ity.” Use […]

Greek Yogurt Self-Conscious About Water on Top

By Mary Elliot Murray Kynynmound

SCIENCE – According to chobanipropoganda.gov, that watery substance atop your Greek yogurt isn’t water at all. The liquid is actually whey, a protein that naturally separates out of dairy products. Everytime someone cracks open a fresh tub of Fagé and says, “Ew why is there always water on top,” not only are they wrong, they are […]